You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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