any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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