mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Mom said you looked used
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
