I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
