I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
