I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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