Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
