so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
