Fine. I'll sleep in my office
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize