I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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