Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
