More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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