I cockslap morals
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
