It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
