Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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