dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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