Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
