it was like eating out sand paper
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
