do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
