Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
