I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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