U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize