you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
