I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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