K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
