Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Semen is not good for contacts.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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