cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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