I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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