Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
