Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
