At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
