I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
