During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
