I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
