Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
