Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
