Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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