I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
