Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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