I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
