Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Your cock deserves a montage
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
