im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize