i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He has the fingertips of a God
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