They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
