My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
