i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
