when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
