I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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