I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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