I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
