May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
