ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize