i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
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