So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
