Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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