not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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