Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
