Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You are the jesus of drinking
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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