And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
