I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
