Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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