My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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