I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
