I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize