Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Houston, we have a squirter
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
