a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
