Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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