Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
