I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
