That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Randomize
