You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
only if we run a train.
done.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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