Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
