And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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