can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize