Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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